Holiday Expectations
Do you find yourself exhausted at the end of planning for the family gathering? Do you wish, long for the perfect family gathering at the holidays? Is it even possible to have the perfect family gathering at the holidays?
Holidays can be a stressful time instead of fun with the family. Trying to seat people together who get along is hard enough, then all the presents, who is bring what type of dish, who has food allergies, and heaven forbid someone should get their feelings hurt about watching TV, where they have to sleep, or who ate the last of the pie. Let’s face it, we all have an idealized fantasy of how the holidays are going to be. Like Sparky in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation!!!!! Who can relate to that movie?? I can!!!!
Some Much Needed Tips
So how do we deal with the holidays and not end up fighting or moving to a foreign country? Here are some tips that I and many others have found to be helpful:
1. Don’t expect people to change but be pleasantly surprised if they do. People do not tend to change unless there is a source of hurt or pain or confrontation. The holidays are not the time to inflict hurt, pain or confrontation.
2. Remember the saying “it is not my duck.” and repeat it over and over. Don’t take on problems that are not yours to deal with.
3. Be adaptable. We cannot change other people. So remember when you arrived at the gathering your life apart from your family was good and will be good when you return.
4. “Expect the unexpected” Be prepared to move and begin new conversations when people really begin to bother you. The more you focus on what is bothering you to more it will bother you.
5. The QTIP principle: quick taking it personally. Everyone even you have your quirks and drive people batty. Don’t take it personal when they joke about your or some embarrassing event but think about how far you have come from that moment in time.
6. It is more blessed to give rather than receive. Think for a moment about traveling in their shoes. Maybe they are having a hard time and don’t know how to share it or maybe they get nervous around people. The world does not revolve around you.
Who knows, your family holiday may turn out better than you thought after all.
