Tips for Coping with Grief during the Holidays
If you have ever lost someone close to you, you know that facing holidays and other special occasions without that person is often difficult at best, and sometimes devastating. Occasions that are normally celebratory and enjoyable become a painful reminder of the absence of your loved one, causing you to dread facing them without the person you have lost. It is okay to be mindful of your lost loved one during the holidays. It is natural to miss that person. The most beneficial thing you can do for yourself, however, is to work on some self-care to help minimize your grief.
Here are some strategies to help you get through the holidays after suffering loss:
Acknowledge Your Grief
It’s ok to be sad. Sometimes we think that because holidays are supposed to be celebratory we aren’t allowed to show sadness. This isn’t the case at all. There are no rules about how you are “supposed” to feel at any time in your life. Holidays are no exception. Ignoring your grief or avoiding it will only keep you stuck in the grief process longer.
Make Some Plans For Dealing With Your Grief
Going to see a counselor to process your grief can be helpful in preparation dealing with loss over the holidays. If you are unable to see a counselor, you might do some other therapeutic activities such as journaling about your emotions or doing something special as a tribute to the person you lost. This might mean planting something in honor of your loved one, making a charitable donation in his or her name, or simply lighting a candle and saying a few words about what he or she meant to you.
Be Okay With Saying “No”
Grieving during stress filled times such as holidays can be overwhelming even without the additional stress of holiday commitments. It’s ok to spend time with others and give some of your time to help them. This may even be cathartic for you. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to every request though. Over-committing yourself will only add to your stress and lead to quick holiday burn out.
Don’t Feel Guilty
Even though your loved one is no longer with you, it’s okay to celebrate the holidays. You are still allowed to enjoy these times with others. Just like there is no rule that says you can’t be sad, there is also no rule that you can’t be happy. Try to remember your loved one would most likely want you to be happy.
Holidays are stressful enough due to social obligations, finances and a perception that there are more things to do than time to do them. When you are going through a difficult situation such as grieving loss, sometimes it feels unbearable to continue traditions that may have always included the person you have lost. It is okay to change things up. There is no rule that says you have to celebrate the exact same way every year. Perhaps starting new traditions will help you feel like you can begin the next chapter in your life. Some may find comfort in holding on to familiarity by doing things the way they always have, and that’s okay too. Allowing yourself to celebrate in the way that is comfortable to you and allowing yourself to feel what you feel, without the pressure of “supposed to’s” are the most important things you can do for yourself.
